Sunday, May 30, 2010

PFMS redefined

Sometimes you have these amazing conversations in office...when seeking respite from the relentless summer of work you seek shade under an aimless chitchat and to your great surprise a juicy fruit of conversation falls into your lap.....I just thought they might make for interesting reading.....Here is the first in the series...

Since these conversations originate in real life, they have that peculiar quality of real life as well......any sense of direction and coherence is purely a coincidence and there is no The End, no definite closure, no Happily or Sadly Everafter......so one will have to contend with the open-endedness of these blogs.
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Saturday afternoon.

If there had been a clock in my office it would have been striking two.

That day of the week and that time of the day when self-respecting south indians lie supine, eyes half-closed, meditating on the divinity of curd rice sitting deep inside their hairy tummies.

And here I was, in my office, fighting my battles against stock-outs, marshaling my tanks....er, oil tankers....., shouting commands to my generals...er...vendors....

And I get this ping from one of my colleagues....for the sake of anonymity and out of sheer survival instincts I will call him here GM.

Now GM is one of those people who remind you of those extremely competitive and extremely studious kids at school...who are often portrayed in movies with oil-slicked hair and big spectacles and nerdy dialogues....but our GM in addition to (probably) being all those things is also a good sport.....with a taste for verbal fencing....

And GM had just been back from a (sponsored) trip to the Vegas.
I mention sponsored here, because otherwise what GM did there in Vegas he didn't have to go to Vegas for doing.........attend business seminar, have good vegetarian food, relax, sleep and come back home.....no gambling, no bars - the strip kind or otherwise.

And here is what followed....

GM - what are you doing!!!
Me - sitting in office, reading my blog
wat ru doing online?
chatting with the women u made friends with in vegas?

GM - hmm...
but... u readinng your own blog...

Me - yes...

GM - on DCO std oil?

Me - hehe
patthar ka jawab eent se....sahi sahi...

GM - saale... eet ka jawaab pathar se... misaal tosahi diyaa karo!

Me -
misaal ekdum sahi di hai bhai..
vegas ki women kahan aur dco stand oil kahan...

GM -
hmm...good one...you plan your honeymoon at Vegas na...

Me -
fir honeymoon me hi divorce ho jayega

GM -
expectation management kaa baat hai
like PFMS

(now PFMS is the dirty little Big trick that HR plays on all employees of our company......when completely unfurled it reads Performance Focused Management System.....but when read closely it is deciphered as "No, you are not that good, but we will tolerate you")

Me -
agar biwi ko vegas leke gaya na honeymoon pe to PFMS ka matlba hi badal jaayega
it will become
Piranha Female Murders Spouse

GM -
haha

PV -
ye to sahi ek aur blog ka material ho gaya

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