Mallus, National Parks and Husbands

There is something about Mallus and me.

I have one theory about Mallus - All the Mallus are half crazy, and half the Mallus are All crazy.

You might be tempted to say that this theory holds equally true for Punjabis in general, and Sardars in particular. My friend, there is a difference between being crazy and being totally cuckoo, totally unhooked from reality...I mean you can't compare Sardars to Mallus. In fact you can't compare Sardars to any South Indians, or any Indians - not even the Red or West kinds. Sardars are the only people in India who wear lungies on their heads...imagine..!!

It is not that I hate or dislike or mis/dis-trust mallus.
In fact, its the other way around.
They are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met...nevertheless crazy.

One of my very good friends in School was a Mallu.

During my summer internship at Castrol my boss was a Mallu.

In Olam Uganda my first country head was a Mallu, the guy I used to stay with was a Mallu.
In Zimbabwe one of the guys I worked closest with, and who kept bailing me out of all kindsa trouble was a Mallu.

And at IIMB, one of my closest friends was a Mallu - Jubin.
A genuinely nice human being.

She got married sometime back, and just wrote in last week saying that she and her Australian Kangaroo (aka her husband, Kevin) had gotten a week off between Xmas and New Years - some nice things about working in Singapore, which is otherwise such a boring place. They have been spending this long break by visiting National Parks.

Below is part of my reply to her -
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visiting national parks n all.....nice....our kango must be "hopping" with excitement at it all....
i don go near such parks....am afraid they will catch me and put me too in a cage, with some brown wooden plank reading outside my cage...

RARE ANDHRA FROG

physical characteristics - big, bulging eyes. Rest all features incidental.

habitat - survives in most places, so far tested in africa, thailand and all rural areas of south india (remember my castrol summers, where my loo ws the same size as my hotel room - in which i and the small bucket could not fit in at the same time....yeah bucket, no fancy flush.....was definitely the water-loo of all my glorified mba-images..).

diet - not much, basically survives on eyecandy.

weight - depends upon time of day. 4 times a day weighs more than the average human - breakfast time, lunch time, snacks time and dinner time. Once a day weighs less than the average shastry.

di-nocturnal creature. Sleeps during the night and dreams during the day.

unique characteristics -
intense salivation and pupil dilation observed when subjected to external feminine stimuli

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You know what, actually i think all married men should visit places like natural parks, zoos and natural museums more often.
It will be good therapy for them.

In all those places they will find creatures they can relate to - once free kings of the wild, now caged, tamed, or worse, extinct and stuffed - good only for display...

Imagine how much pain a man would be able to share as he sits next to an orangutan cage...and looks into the misty, poignant eyes of the ape - just above the nose into which he has stuffed his fattest finger - how they would reminisce with each other about the happy, free-swinging times, and how the temptation of a banana has gotten them both into a prison.
One got a cage
one got a wife
s..i....g.......h.........

if you think im just spinning a yarn,

do one thing....take a couple of pictures...

1) kevin next to a monkey(male, plz) in a cage
2) kevin next to a goat about to go gor a slaughter

you will uncover the eerie fact that all their eyes hold a similar pain.....a dull pain, one of resignation to fate...

u don't believe me ?
still don't believe me?
what? you say you can hear the truth in his voice when he says "i love you too sweetheart", "whatever you say love", "your wish honey".....hmmmmm...he is very sweet n nice n caring....takes care of all ur needs, never hurts you....always understands you...

lemme tell u smething..
go to a circus..
and understand what "well-trained" means...

see....husbands r the worst of all the lots...
animals in zoos/natural parks r caged,
in national museums they r stuffed with hay
in circuses they r trained to please and do stuff that they are not meant to...

husbands suffer all the three fates...at the same time...

believe me, if God indeed created woman frome the rib of adam, then it proves that God is a woman!
And having seen that happen the first time,
women, to this day, keep trying to wrench out the ribs of their men..

Now do you understand why women keep saying "i dont want anything....he should just have a heart of gold"....its not the end they are interested in, its the process.....how do u get to a man's heart? simple, pull out his ribs one by one....
"bas dil, achha hona chahiye" sure, why not !!!

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Look, all that I said in there might not be true, except for the first thing I said.
All Mallus are half crazy and half the Mallus are All crazy.

(Dont be too surprised if you read in the papers in the coming week that the promising career of a young manager at Asian Paints got cut short by a mysterious flying coconut...... My current boss is a Mallu, and so is half my team)