This Ain't in my DNA

News papers – how much they have changed!! Now they are carrying articles and news which people like me – Engineer MBAs – can just not relate to.

Only the other day, there was this article in DNA, with a header like “No Eve on New Year’s Eve?” and detailed some 10 odd simple-easy-to-execute-failproof tips for getting a date for New Years. One question that immediately came to mind was that if each of those tips were so effective, simple and fail-proof then why ten of them? The first one should work just fine na…

And this morning I saw an article saying that with New Years approaching, the gigolo/escort industry in Bombay was seeing an upswing, and how the Y-o-Y growth has thus far exceeded industry expectations. It also went into the pricing dynamics of it and explained how prices continued to remain stable despite the heavy demand due to temporary capacity expansion caused by influx of seasonal labor – basically college students willing to hire out their services only for the festive season (this is what you call real social responsibility, no matter what we won’t let the poor couple miss out on a good new year’s eve in Goa, whatever it takes to keep them happy). An in-depth article that highlighted the intense, choking, performance pressures that exist in this profession. Everybody the paper spoke to confessed to feeling drained out at the end of a day’s job. It seems that they very rich people like to go for South African cricketers because of their “choking” reputations.

Now, these are things I can’t relate to. And am damn sure most of my friends too wouldn’t be able to – notable exceptions being Bhaskar (married, so out of scope), Rishabh (about to be married, as good as dead), Moron (the Guy is God, he is the Don Bradman-Symonds cross in matters of women – way above average with a deadly hit rate) and Appachu (the male equivalent of a dumb blonde).
Andy, I know you are trying very hard, but we only have hearsay so far, no hard eve-dence. So you are not in he hall-of-fame yet.

I mean, such things don’t happen in our lives.

In our days (surprising how early “our days” start for people who dont drink, smoke, dope or have girl-friends) we used to get news that we could relate to, identify with, and use. Things like –

“Onion prices continue on the rise”

“Shools closed due to state-wide strike”

“Leader Dead. College Closed.”

“CAT paper leaked”

“UPSC papers leaked yet again”

“Paula Jones says it was slightly bent”
(And they still call the damn guy straight. Now don’t ask how we could relate to/use such bent revelations)

“Clinton denies anything happened”

“Clinton denies everything happened”

“Vajpayee says Ye Achhi Baat Nahi Hai”

" Sonia retorts Ye tumhare bas ki baat nahi hai"

“Mandal Reservations”
(not again!!)

“Reservations for OBCs”
(When will these guys wake upto reality???!!!)

“Reservations for Women in Engg. Colleges”
(Finally, they have woken upto reality!!)

I mean that was news.
These days whenever I take up the paper, and see all these pieces on youth, style, women (without having to get married to), swinging, escorts, love, I just say to myself, “This ain’t in my blood, not in my DNA”